# Humanities & Anthropology > Philosophy >  Philosophical Question Number 2

## smoke

*"Do you (honestly) care what people think about you?"*

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## Mycernius

Sometimes. It depends on the person. If you think someone is a jerk then I don't really care what they think, but I probably wouldn't talk to them anyway. If it someone I respect then I would try to make a good impression and would probably feel a bit down if they told me they didn't respect my opinion. I prefer open discussion so you could find common ground to talk about, a bit like this forum. There are certain areas I don't post because I haven't the knowledge or interest in that area. Others I do post in because what is being said I take a genuine interest in. Find out what other people think and respond. I wouldn't call some a jerk if there post didn't agree with my thoughts, that's impolite. I would try to find common ground.
Keep these questions coming.  :Wavey:

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## Frank D. White

My mother's favorite saying was , "What will the Neighbors think?" I don't think I ever was a real person till my mid-life crisis. It was so important to me to be liked by others, I learned to change by the minute to be the person I was with. I would attempt to become that persons perfect person to please them. If someone disliked me, I would lay awake at night wondering what I did wrong and how I could change to please them.Never being yourself and trying to please everyone is a fate worse then death; you can never be happy. Search for the inner you that makes you happy, and be that person.Society and our friends/schoolmates/coworkers can put a lot of peer presure on us to conform to their standards; it can make life unpleasant. We DO have to fit in, but we don't have to be duplicate robots. Having good balanced self-esteem will make you a happier person. Pick your friends, don't let someone MAKE YOU OVER and MOLD YOU into their perfect friend.

Frank

 :Blush:

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## smoke

> Keep these questions coming.


thanks for your support.

i understand what you are saying.
what about this theory.
if you were walking down the street, would you been concerned with what strangers thought of you?

my personal opinion is that we all care what others think of us. it is human nature...or rather, animal instinct but in a more dignified way (ie: i don't squirt unrine at women to try and get them in bed...unless they ask me to of course!).
i think when people say 'they don't care' it is more likely that they don't care what a certain 'group' (sorry, couldn't think of a better word) of people think of them. for example...i couldn't give a flying **** what the corporation i work for thinks of me...in a way i hope they don't like me. but i do care, for example, what people on this forum think of me...which i think is crazy, because i don't know any of you, not personally anyway.


anyway...i'm not supposed to answer my own question...that's why i failed in school!

Peace.

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## smoke

> My mother's favorite saying was , "What will the Neighbors think?" I don't think I ever was a real person till my mid-life crisis. It was so important to me to be liked by others, I learned to change by the minute to be the person I was with. I would attempt to become that persons perfect person to please them. If someone disliked me, I would lay awake at night wondering what I did wrong and how I could change to please them.Never being yourself and trying to please everyone is a fate worse then death; you can never be happy. Search for the inner you that makes you happy, and be that person.Society and our friends/schoolmates/coworkers can put a lot of peer presure on us to conform to their standards; it can make life unpleasant. We DO have to fit in, but we don't have to be duplicate robots. Having good balanced self-esteem will make you a happier person. Pick your friends, don't let someone MAKE YOU OVER and MOLD YOU into their perfect friend.
> 
> Frank


good response...and wise words Mr White.
one of the saddest days of my life was when i realised i had become something that i hated...a 2-faced, un-opinionated bullsh!tter...for example...being nice to people i couldn't stand...i soon changed!
during you mid-life crisis, did you get a sportscar?  :Giggle:  sorry...that and long hair seem to be a UK trademark of a mid-life crisis.

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## Doc

We all care about what people think of us, including myself. It's just a part of human nature. However, it really depends on how willing you are to let yourself get wrapped up in what others think. For me personally, I pretty much ignore what people say about me. I never try to please others, unless they're an extremely close friend. Why should I go so low to please others into thinking that they're right, and I'm wrong? I'm my own person, and quite frankly I don't have the time to busy myself with needless anxiety to keep myself up to par with other people. Why bother with the hassle? It only makes things worse when you're stressed out, and concerned about what others think about you. It's just not worth the pain.

Doc

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## lexico

You guys said all the wisdom that can be said, so what's left for me to say ?
I have two modes of thinking when it comes to other people's judgement bearing down on me.

1. When I do not know the person very well. 
I tend to give almost equal value to their ideas about me.
If it is a positive thought, great. If not, it does concern me, but then I think about my action/ or my person as a whole and see if there was something I had overlooked. If it can be helped, that's good, because there was adequate reason. If not, I try to see that person's motive or mode of thought.

2. When I do know the person rather well.
I can make a more clear judgement without too much thought, but the difficulty is no less. I can give proper weight to each person's opinion depending on my relationship, and knowledge of the person.

The healthiest way of seeing how others see me is to do it on a personal basis, i.e. knowledge of each individual. Otherwise it can get me to a point where I'm too happy, or too depressed; either will be unrealistic and harmful.

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## Ma Cherie

Well, the only time I care what others think is when someone is trying to help me improve a part of myself or a part of my life. But no other than that, I generally don't care what other people think of me.  :Poh:

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## smoke

> You guys said all the wisdom that can be said, so what's left for me to say ?


wisdom and personal opinion aren't always the same thing.
statements made in this post may be deemed logical but a person's opinion is always as welcome, if not more, as fact or logic.
good response though my friend!

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## smoke

> Well, the only time I care what others think is when someone is trying to help me improve a part of myself or a part of my life. But no other than that, I generally don't care what other people think of me.


does that mean you take criticism well?
i'd love to say that i do...but i'd be lying.

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## Ma Cherie

Sometimes I can take constructive criticism, but it's one of those things I have to learn to deal with.

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## smoke

> Sometimes I can take constructive criticism, but it's one of those things I have to learn to deal with.


i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.

it's one of my more mature qualities!

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## lexico

> i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.
> 
> it's one of my more mature qualities!


This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.

One of the greatest lies that has gained certain popularity among fundamentally twisted and cynical individuals:

"_I want you to succeed. So I am telling you this. You did badly here, there, and everywhere_."

I noticed one of my best friends (so I thought) tell me this; but he was only a deeply disturbed and negative person. It hurt me greatly when I realized this. All the while, I was thinking this was constructive criticism. Well, that was totally bull-sht-te!

It so happens that these negative people have some deep seated insecurity that makes them go around telling trusting friends "mild criticism" for no good reason. The hell with them. That's one reason I said, "it depends on the person." I will first give them the benefit of the doubt, but if repeated, and I'm neither deluded nor stupid. I can write him/her off once I find a pattern. 

So when something like that happens, don't sulk. Check him/her out; up, down, inside-&-out when you suspect a strange pattern there, my friend! 
And as the saying goes; don't get mad, get even!!  :Evil:   :Evil:   :Evil:  
I just had to say get this off my chest, for I too once sulked, or sucked!  :Laughing:

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## Doc

> This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.
> 
> One of the greatest lies that has gained certain popularity among fundamentally twisted and cynical individuals:
> 
> "_I want you to succeed. So I am telling you this. You did badly here, there, and everywhere_."
> 
> I noticed one of my best friends (so I thought) tell me this; but he was only a deeply disturbed and negative person. It hurt me greatly when I realized this. All the while, I was thinking this was constructive criticism. Well, that was totally bull-sht-te!
> 
> It so happens that these negative people have some deep seated insecurity that makes them go around telling trusting friends "mild criticism" for no good reason. The hell with them. That's one reason I said, "it depends on the person." I will first give them the benefit of the doubt, but if repeated, and I'm neither deluded nor stupid. I can write him/her off once I find a pattern. 
> ...


I'm a negative person with insecurities. Does that rank me up there like your former friend?  :Sou ka:  To be completely honest, I'm not very good at giving out criticism. I usually just suck it up when I have a problem with somebody. However, I will criticise people when they really get on my nerves (which is not very often). For example, my best friend and I are like brothers. Seriously, we actually consider each other brothers. I'm the big brother he never had full of friendly advice, and he's the little brother that I never got to have fun with. We have been friends for nearly eleven years now. 

Anyway, a person usually notices the little imperfections of a person when they're with them for a long period of time. Usually, as a friend you put up with them, or find them amusing after awhile (kind of like a marriage if you will :Poh: ). Anyway, I never had any problems with his little quirks until just recently. I know it sounds dumb when I tell it, but God it drives me up the wall. I literally can't help but criticise it. The guy is literally schizo with controlling the camera in a third person action game. Seriously, he's all over the place! Plus, it takes him an hour just to find one little object or button to push! 

Now why should something like this bother me? I'll tell you why: it's because when you're taking turns on a video game, and you breeze through a level just so your buddy can play, only to take him two hours to complete a level really starts to get on your nerves. Not only that, but when I leave the room, and tell him to let me know when he's done with a level he doesn't do it! No, instead he just keeps playing on to the next level. Now I should be the one to talk because I can be just as bad when playing a game (taking my time that is), but at least I make it up to him! The little bastard doesn't even do that unless I get pissed! Now I know how people with younger siblings feel.  :Buuh:  

Doc :Ramen:

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## lexico

> I'm a negative person with insecurities. Does that rank me up there like your former friend?


Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify.  :Poh:  That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.


> To be completely honest, I'm not very good at giving out criticism. I usually just suck it up when I have a problem with somebody. However, I will criticise people when they really get on my nerves (which is not very often). For example, my best friend and I are like brothers. Seriously, we actually consider each other brothers. I'm the big brother he never had full of friendly advice, and he's the little brother that I never got to have fun with. We have been friends for nearly eleven years now. 
> 
> Anyway, a person usually notices the little imperfections of a person when they're with them for a long period of time. Usually, as a friend you put up with them, or find them amusing after awhile (kind of like a marriage if you will). Anyway, I never had any problems with his little quirks until just recently. I know it sounds dumb when I tell it, but God it drives me up the wall. I literally can't help but criticise it. The guy is literally schizo with controlling the camera in a third person action game. Seriously, he's all over the place! Plus, it takes him an hour just to find one little object or button to push! 
> 
> Now why should something like this bother me? I'll tell you why: it's because when you're taking turns on a video game, and you breeze through a level just so your buddy can play, only to take him two hours to complete a level really starts to get on your nerves. Not only that, but when I leave the room, and tell him to let me know when he's done with a level he doesn't do it! No, instead he just keeps playing on to the next level. Now I should be the one to talk because I can be just as bad when playing a game (taking my time that is), but at least I make it up to him! The little bastard doesn't even do that unless I get pissed! Now I know how people with younger siblings feel.  
> 
> Doc


I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby." 

Anyway I hope you two find a peaceful solution; tell him. "Your brother is reeeeally pis**d, so better play fair, serious!" But yes, you have some wisdom there. For a normal relationship, it's eaither make or break. I feel so betrayed, that it still wouldn't have worked, but what you say is good advice for me.  :Wink:

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## smoke

> Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity.


I think there are many people that have insecurities, of course whther they admit to it or not is another question alltogether.
And as for negativity. I believe (in a lot of cases) being negative is, in a way, being realistic...unfortunately.

There are two reasons why i look at certain things in a negative way.

1. If you look at things negatively and things do turn out negative, it doesn't hurt as much.
2. If you look at things negatively and things turn out positive, it comes as a pleasant surprise. (A positive outlook on negativity...a definition of irony if ever i saw one.)

This is my opinion anyway.

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## Doc

> Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify.  That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby." 
> 
> Anyway I hope you two find a peaceful solution; tell him. "Your brother is reeeeally pis**d, so better play fair, serious!" But yes, you have some wisdom there. For a normal relationship, it's eaither make or break. I feel so betrayed, that it still wouldn't have worked, but what you say is good advice for me.


Sorry to hear that about your friend. To be honest, I know somebody who would do that too. Of course I dumped his butt after he betrayed me, but that's a long story and I don't feel like getting into it. Anyway, about my friend, I guess you could say it's a brotherly relationship. As for my complaint about him, it's mostly with the camera control issue that he has. Think of the game Pong for a minute. Visualize the ball bouncing back and forth. Now speed that up by 400%, and you have my friend with his camera work on a game. He constantly complains about getting killed, and the only advice I have to give him is to stop abusing the damn camera and properly use it, instead of someone playing the game with a seizer. Ay, yi, ya! :Mad: 

Doc :Ramen:

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## Duo

I agree with Doc, we all care what other people think of us, friends or not, a bit more or a bit less, it is human nature. When I was in high school I felt more the pressure to be liked, and truthfully I never had any problems making friends or being popular w ith friends, but now I have changed and instead of having a bigger pool of aquintances, i have now just a few but close friends. But, as Carlos Castaneda says in the Teachings of Don Juan, if we really want to be free of judgment we shouldn't have any friends ;)

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## Index

I'd agree with Frank in that you have to find yourself and then be yourself, rather than being a chameleon. It goes hand in hand with choosing your friends too, though I might add that one can have "good" friends as well as "bad friends", as well as you don't allow the bad ones to influence you overly (definitions of good and bad are of course entirely subjective).

In the case of "non-friends", in other words in the realm of business , I am definitely aware of what image I project to people. In these situations, where there is rarely time to cultivate a deep understanding a la friendship, you can definitely enhance the nature of the interaction and what it helps you achieve by being aware of the other person's perception of you and how their behaviour is affected as a response. When there is no chance to develop the relationship beyond a certain level, I think you need to be careful of what image you project because there is always scope for misunderstanding which can ruin things, and so you have to keep your finger on the pulse so to speak.

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## smoke

> When I was in high school I felt more the pressure to be liked,


i think peer pressure in schools is where the urge to be liked begins. as children we are truly individual and unique...our initial 'shaping' comes from our parents who (in theory) love us anyway, so there is no pressure to be liked. 
our first social interaction (in most cases) is school, and it is human nature in this situation to be liked...i would find it strange if a child wished to be disliked by others. by secondry/high school we begin to find ourselves and define ourselves and the easiest place to look is our peers (closely followed by people we admire).
i remember trying to 'fit in' by, in affect, becoming a carbon copy of everybody else...of course, in later years of school i changed as i begun to find myself (not in that way  :Relieved:  ) and by changing to avoid conformity, i found i was conforming in a different way.
i looked back on a period on my life where i believed i wasn't conforming and i realised that all i was doing was not conforming to a certain way of life or a certain set of beliefs...but i was conforming to a _different_ way of life and a different set of beliefs.
by avoid one thing, i was doing another.
and that's why i believe that the title 'non-conformist' is used far too loosely. i believe we all conform in a way! in theory...by simply wearing clothes we are conforming.

sorry that this got a little off topic. but i think conformity and wanting to be liked sort of go hand in hand.

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## lexico

> I believe...being negative is...being realistic...unfortunately.


This reminds me of many things. When the actual outcome falls vastly short of expectations, the mind makes appropriate adjustments. Now every individual has different ideas about reality, and hence the disappointment would likewise be different, and adding to this are the different reactions. What comes about as a result can be quite varied. Self-negation has made people clinically depressed, just mildly realistic, or to wander off in search of true happiness as in the case of Siddhartha Buddha or St. Francisco. So in that sense, your definition of negative is more of a philosophical nature rather than in the ordinary sense of the word. Related though.

I am also reminded of my dog. You see, the life of a big dog in my house offers little pleasure due to the strange house makeup (a little hard to explain.) But I noticed that she is always, I mean always, happy to see me. I often wonder what would happen if I could be half as happy as her. Would that make me unrealistic, or just a happy, jolly kind of guy??  :Blush:  


> There are two reasons why i look at certain things in a negative way.
> 
> 1. If you look at things negatively and things do turn out negative, it doesn't hurt as much.
> 2. If you look at things negatively and things turn out positive, it comes as a pleasant surprise.


Strange coincidence, I would often tell myself exactly the same thing. After my busy life, I stopped thinking what you just said, but I guess it has already become part of me. I also wonder whether I have become chronically pessimistic or cynical. Btw, cynic means "doggy?"  :Blush:  



> A positive outlook on negativity...a definition of irony if ever i saw one.


I belive the Stoics developed the "negativity" concept and packaged it under the title, ataraxia, detatchment from all worldly pleasures. Funny though, the Epicures were direct disciples of the Stoic school ?? Extreme seems to lead to other extremes. What do you think??  :Blush:  
I really wish we had a dog emoticon.  :Laughing:

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## Doc

> I really wish we had a dog emoticon.


*doggy ears twitch* So do I. :Smiling: 

Doc :Ramen:

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## Shooter452

No.

But, if that is the case, then why do I bother pontificating here on the Forum so often? It may be that we all seek validation through the opinion of others, but it is unhealthy for us to devote too much of our lives in the pursuit of their approval.

Public opinion is a capricious god. No one can maintain his favor for long and it is folly to pursue it as a life's ambition.

But, still, if such is the case, why are we here?

_Cum recte vivis, ne cures verba malorum._

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## lexico

> Anyway, about my friend, I guess you could say it's a brotherly relationship. As for my complaint about him, it's mostly with the camera control issue that he has. Think of the game Pong for a minute. Visualize the ball bouncing back and forth. Now speed that up by 400%, and you have my friend with his camera work on a game. He constantly complains about getting killed, and the only advice I have to give him is to stop abusing the damn camera and properly use it, instead of someone playing the game with a seizer. Ay, yi, ya!
> 
> Doc


Yes, they always want to win. But I think, as long as he values the friendship and has genuine repsect for you, technical problems will eventually disappear. I think so. Is he much younger than you ?

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## Doc

> Yes, they always want to win. But I think, as long as he values the friendship and has genuine repsect for you, technical problems will eventually disappear. I think so. Is he much younger than you ?


Oh I think he does. We have too much in common about our pasts for him not to respect the relationship. As for age, he's about one month younger than me. His birthday is on Earth Day, April 22.

Doc :Ramen:

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## smoke

lexico.
in relation to your dog...i think happiness is relative. that is why it is something very personal and individual...look at it this way if you will. 
would the things that make your dog happy make you happy? and vice-versa?
would you feel content with a bowl of finest quality dog-food and the odd pat on the head from your master.
and would your dog feel happy to sit at a computer and type replies to non-sensical questions asked by someone with too much time on their hands from the other side of the world?
in my opinion i don't think we could compare the thought patterns of an animal to that of a human...if we could, at least i would always know what to get my girlfriend for christmas...a big old juicy bone (no jokes please!!!)
i suppose it all depends how you define 'reality' for a dog.

as for extremes leading to other extremes...i suppose it depends on the particular extremes and what the realtive 'middle grounds' are.
but i believe there is something in between extremes.
in a literal sense (ie temperature) there are things between, say; hot and cold.
in an emotional sense i believe it is possible (for example) not to be happy and at the same time not to be sad.

-----------------------------------------------

"So in that sense, your definition of negative is more of a philosophical nature rather than in the ordinary sense of the word. Related though."
i only philosophise (sp?) as i have little interlect to base fact upon. the term negative has many meanings, both literal and philosophical, to define it can be tricky.

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## lexico

> No.
> 
> But, if that is the case, then why do I bother pontificating here on the Forum so often? It may be that we all seek validation through the opinion of others, but it is unhealthy for us to devote too much of our lives in the pursuit of their approval.
> 
> Public opinion is a capricious god. No one can maintain his favor for long and it is folly to pursue it as a life's ambition.
> 
> But, still, if such is the case, why are we here?
> 
> _Cum recte vivis, ne cures verba malorum._


I think I see why you said no. To be judged by others is a scary thing because at that point, one becomes an object or a commodity on the market weighed for a good price to be sold at.

I think another way of looking at the question (Smoke's, yours or both) is to compare it to a child's playground. If no other kid wants to play with me, that is the death sentence for the my social life. Just being able to join in the fun, so to speak, is the same as approval. Of course adults may do it a little different, but I think the principle's the same. Some while ago, I found a very unique post (ask me if you're curious). But the poster had not been on the forum for some time. Guess why? The post had no response attached.

This doesn't mean we can force responses just to keep people happy and welcome, but it does tell that some people, for various reasons, can have trouble connecting with others. And that's why (s)he stopped coming here.

I read an interesting piece saying, the greatest toy in the world is another human being. Can be friendly, can be abusive. Can be fun, can be boring. All depending on how the interaction goes. Something of that sense.

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## smoke

> I read an interesting piece saying, the greatest toy in the world is another human being. Can be friendly, can be abusive. Can be fun, can be boring.


...can be sexual!
sorry, it was an oppourtunity i couldn't resist.

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## Doc

> lexico.
> in relation to your dog...i think happiness is relative. that is why it is something very personal and individual...look at it this way if you will. 
> would the things that make your dog happy make you happy? and vice-versa?
> would you feel content with a bowl of finest quality dog-food and the odd pat on the head from your master.
> and would your dog feel happy to sit at a computer and type replies to non-sensical questions asked by someone with too much time on their hands from the other side of the world?
> in my opinion i don't think we could compare the thought patterns of an animal to that of a human...*if we could, at least i would always know what to get my girlfriend for christmas...a big old juicy bone (no jokes please!!!)*
> i suppose it all depends how you define 'reality' for a dog.
> 
> as for extremes leading to other extremes...i suppose it depends on the particular extremes and what the realtive 'middle grounds' are.
> ...


Damn you smoke! Damn you!!!

Doc :Ramen:

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## smoke

> Damn you smoke! Damn you!!!
> 
> Doc


did you have an acceptionally witty response to the girlfriend line?
or are you just generally damning me...it happens a lot, so just to clarify!

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## lexico

> ...can be sexual!
> sorry, it was an oppourtunity i couldn't resist.


I understand. Being a healthy human male makes it particularly difficult to concentrate for 20 seconds without thinking about sex!!
That's the thing about the army being segregated by the sex. Monasteries, colleges, companies, orders, societies, clubs, and golf courses were more intensely segregated because the idea of sex would always get in the way.

Nevertheless I'm not denying that it's totally impossible to hold an intelligent covo with the opposite sex, just a tad difficult!!  :Love: 

Since you seem to enjoy it, I'll make it more interesting for you.


> the greatest (sex) in the world is (with) another human being. Can be friendly, can be abusive. Can be fun, can be boring. All depending on how the (it) goes.

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## Doc

> did you have an acceptionally witty response to the girlfriend line?
> or are you just generally damning me...it happens a lot, so just to clarify!


Actually I did have a witty remark, but it sounds like damning you is more fun. ^____^

Doc

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## smoke

> I'm not denying that it's totally impossible to hold an intelligent covo with the opposite sex, just a tad difficult!!


if you lived in the same area that i do you wouldn't find it a problem...to be honest, most of the people in my area can barely hold a conversations...male or female. just the odd grunt or hand gesture.

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## smoke

> Actually I did have a witty remark, but it sounds like damning you is more fun. ^____^
> 
> Doc


ok...i retract the 'no jokes please' statement...go ahead.

and yeah, damning me is a lot-o-fun...for all the family! well, it's a lot of fun for all my family!  :Okashii:

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## Doc

> ok...i retract the 'no jokes please' statement...go ahead.
> 
> and yeah, damning me is a lot-o-fun...for all the family! well, it's a lot of fun for all my family!


Sarcasm is not your forte is it?  :Okashii:  

Doc :Ramen:

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## Shooter452

> I think I see why you said no. To be judged by others is a scary thing because at that point, one becomes an object or a commodity on the market weighed for a good price to be sold at.
> 
> I think another way of looking at the question (Smoke's, yours or both) is to compare it to a child's playground. If no other kid wants to play with me, that is the death sentence for the my social life. Just being able to join in the fun, so to speak, is the same as approval. Of course adults may do it a little different, but I think the principle's the same. Some while ago, I found a very unique post (ask me if you're curious). But the poster had not been on the forum for some time. Guess why? The post had no response attached.
> 
> This doesn't mean we can force responses just to keep people happy and welcome, but it does tell that some people, for various reasons, can have trouble connecting with others. And that's why (s)he stopped coming here.
> 
> I read an interesting piece saying, the greatest toy in the world is another human being. Can be friendly, can be abusive. Can be fun, can be boring. All depending on how the interaction goes. Something of that sense.


You awe me, lexico-san. 

I come here to hear you speak when ever I begin to feel too big for my britches. While I do not always agree, I am impressed by your quiet wisdom.

Say on, sir! You have my compliments.

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## TwistedMac

> *"Do you (honestly) care what people think about you?"*


yes. yes I do.

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## isayhello

I do. I care what people think about me.. both my looks and my personality. Since people around you are the ones that you're (in one way or another) sharing your life with, I care. 

Lately, it has become a good thing (almost popular) to say that "you don't care" and is comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn about what others think. I also think it's good of one can think like this.. But I don't. And I think a lot of people share my thoughts, even though they don't admit it.

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## smoke

> I do. I care what people think about me.. both my looks and my personality. Since people around you are the ones that you're (in one way or another) sharing your life with, I care. 
> 
> Lately, it has become a good thing (almost popular) to say that "you don't care" and is comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn about what others think. I also think it's good of one can think like this.. But I don't. And I think a lot of people share my thoughts, even though they don't admit it.


i think this is a good point.
for whatever reason people do not like to admit that they care what people think of them.
i do believe that people 'don't care' what "certain" people think of them and they value the opinion of those closer to them...friends, immediate family etc.

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## lexico

> Lately, it has become a good thing (almost popular) to say that "you don't care" and is comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn about what others think.
> I also think it's good of one can think like this.. But I don't. And I think a lot of people share my thoughts, even though they don't admit it.





> for whatever reason people do not like to admit that they care what people think of them.


What you say brings due attention to two opposing tendencies which is probably shared by many people regardless of what they say. It is a frightening idea that I may be bullsh*tting when I say "I don't give a damn!" It is another frightening idea that I actually don't give a damn when I should. What if I lose my good senses for 1 month and start running around naked in my neighborhood not giving a damn? What if I start giving too much of a damned thought about my neighbors' opinions and go the wrong way?

Language can be used in a magical way to cut and shape reality. The optative mood in the grammatical table, even without a religion or superstition, has the power of wishing things to be in a different state from what is simply observed, or from how it is stated by others. By pronouncing and spelling out the way things should be in your own mind brings sanity to what may otherwise seem insane, threatening, or absurd. 

The verbal declaration of reality as it should be is one of the powers that can help us move forward to our goals, or it can be the self-defeating curse on oursleves. It can be either liberating or destructive. When sticks and stones may not break our bones, they still hurt, so it becomes necessary to nullify the verbal curse encroaching on our sense of security. Hence there is validity when peopel say they don't give a damn. It is a promise that is self-fulfilling for the verbalizer. Exactly because, without saying it, they do give too much of a damn.

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## smoke

> Hence there is validity when peopel say they don't give a damn. It is a promise that is self-fulfilling for the verbalizer. Exactly because, without saying it, they do give too much of a damn.


...this is something that i agree with.
i think the strive to be different (hence, not giving a damn) is one sought by many...and by trying to be different we tend to become similar. the reasons for wanting to be different are numerous and could probably fill it's own thread, but i think...without going into too much depth...it is relative to conformity and non-conformity.
personally i know i tried desperately not to conform and realised that i was conforming but in a different sense. i have touched upon this already in this thread so i will not dwell upon it.

although there is nothing wrong with wanting to be different, it is an up-hill struggle...as 'different' is defined in different (no pun intended) ways by different (...once again) people.

personally i believe for someone to 'truly' not give a damn...or 'truly' not to care of others opinion would be someone void of emotions and/or self-respect.

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## lexico

> i think the strive to be different (hence, not giving a damn) is one sought by many...and by trying to be different we tend to become similar. the reasons for wanting to be different are numerous and could probably fill it's own thread, but i think...without going into too much depth...it is relative to conformity and non-conformity.


I remember that. Nothing new under the sun. They say it wasn't even Solomon who said it, but an old schoolmaster with a pessimist outlook on life. But is it good for the mental well being to abondon all hope ?



> personally i believe for someone to 'truly' not give a damn...or 'truly' not to care of others opinion would be someone void of emotions and/or self-respect.


I often thought about the cause of numbness, and the physical analogy extends quite naturally into the psychology of the person. The widespread numbness today is said to be a modern phenomenon, or sickness if you will. The Terrorist, The Stranger both deal with the person who struggles to make sense once his senses are awakened. The Apocalypse Now shows how the void person becomes voided; a favourite topic for Doc the Assassin ? They can be seen as a verbal description of the state of lifelessness, when the ordinary feelings of the average citizen have gone dead.

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## Doc

> I remember that. Nothing new under the sun. They say it wasn't even Solomon who said it, but an old schoolmaster with a pessimist outlook on life. But is it good for the mental well being to abondon all hope ?
> I often thought about the cause of numbness, and the physical analogy extends quite naturally into the psychology of the person. The widespread numbness today is said to be a modern phenomenon, or sickness if you will. The Terrorist, The Stranger both deal with the person who struggles to make sense once his senses are awakened. The Apocalypse Now shows how the void person becomes voided; a favourite topic for Doc the Assassin ? They can be seen as a verbal description of the state of lifelessness, when the ordinary feelings of the average citizen have gone dead.


I think my signature explains it all Lexico.

Doc :Ramen:  :Joyful:

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## isayhello

> .
> personally i believe for someone to 'truly' not give a damn...or 'truly' not to care of others opinion would be someone void of emotions and/or self-respect.


True. But those people must be rare. I think, humans are biologically programmed (can I say that?) to try and "fit in" with the group - whatever the group is, it might be a family, or the friends in school or colleagues at work. We need to be surrounded by other people and we need them to approve and accept us. (Same; we need love to survive) 
The need to be accepted by others makes us care about what others think. 

The people who are lacking the emotions and/or self-respect don't feel they need to be accepted by others, and will therefore probably not care at all what others think. But question is.. in truth; is there ANYONE out there who is like this? I think every single person cares what others think about them, in some way or another...

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## smoke

> True. But those people must be rare. I think, humans are biologically programmed (can I say that?) to try and "fit in" with the group - whatever the group is, it might be a family, or the friends in school or colleagues at work. We need to be surrounded by other people and we need them to approve and accept us. (Same; we need love to survive) 
> The need to be accepted by others makes us care about what others think. 
> 
> The people who are lacking the emotions and/or self-respect don't feel they need to be accepted by others, and will therefore probably not care at all what others think. But question is.. in truth; is there ANYONE out there who is like this? I think every single person cares what others think about them, in some way or another...


do you think vagrants care what others think?
the ones that chase can of special brew and piss themselves and sleep in McDonalds doorway.
i always wondered if they were bothered by peoples opinions!
as for needing to feel accepted...i believe there are some people that 'need' (i use that term a little loosely) the opposite. I have known people that have rebelled the acceptance...i suppose, in a way...there acceptance came from not being accepted.

and to be honest...i don't think there is anyone who is completely void of emotions and/or self respect.

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## isayhello

> do you think vagrants care what others think?
> the ones that chase can of special brew and piss themselves and sleep in McDonalds doorway.
> i always wondered if they were bothered by peoples opinions!
> .


Good question.. I wondered that too. I think they DO care, only, they have sort of lost track of themselves and life. But somewhere, deep inside, they still care and would want more that anything else to live a healthier life. (?)
When a person is fighting for survival, the self-respect and need to be approved by others is lost, I think. 
Some of them (the vagrants) might be on drugs or be alcoholics, and those things takes away a little of a persons self-respect. Especially drugs, since they can alter your personality and make you mentally ill. Then, you don't care anymore about others or their oppinions, but only about getting the drug you need, no matter what...

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## Sensuikan San

Yes

Regards,

W

(P.S. .... does this win me the car.....promised for the shortest post ?)

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## smoke

> Good question.. I wondered that too. I think they DO care, only, they have sort of lost track of themselves and life. But somewhere, deep inside, they still care and would want more that anything else to live a healthier life. (?)
> When a person is fighting for survival, the self-respect and need to be approved by others is lost, I think. 
> Some of them (the vagrants) might be on drugs or be alcoholics, and those things takes away a little of a persons self-respect. Especially drugs, since they can alter your personality and make you mentally ill. Then, you don't care anymore about others or their oppinions, but only about getting the drug you need, no matter what...


i wonder if it's possible to become so low (or even high...sorry bad pun) that you do totally lose self-respect.
i think it would be impossible to become completely void of emotions...otherwise what sort of feeling would drugs or alcohol ofer.

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## Doc

> i wonder if it's possible to become so low (or even high...sorry bad pun) that you do totally lose self-respect.
> i think it would be impossible to become completely void of emotions...otherwise what sort of feeling would drugs or alcohol ofer.


Yes, but what you become apathetic? Then emotions really have no place in your life now do they?

Doc :Ramen:  :Joyful:

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## Flashjeff

Beyond family and really close friends, nope. People will form their opinions of you and rarely, if ever change them, no matter what you do to the contrary. Life is too damn short to worry about how the world perceives you, if you do worry about something as trivial as that, the next thing you know, you're wearing one of those funny white jackets with the buckles and ridiculously long sleeves. BAH! Who needs that?

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## Dutch Baka

yes, i do care about it.. i can say like it depens on person, but even when somebody doesnt know me, and say something to me i feel it... i think about it, if it is wrong or good,, sometimes after 10min i think what ever, i dont care...

when a familie member, or a good friend say it to me, it can hurt me, or i feel it !!! 

i think sometimes im to young, and need to work on being more secure about myself....

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## life

If these are the people that i respect and whose bonds with i deeply treasure,what they think about me really matters a lot.

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## alexriversan

i care about what other people think of me.

now, visiting my websites, it could be anyone, including people i do not share interests with.

there is a disclaimer, PG-13 and above, and the display SEGA/NINTENDO.

it is obviously my sites are not about cars/nice woman/lingerie. many people like these things, good, and i care if people get agressive!

means a xxxxxx no thanks! message makes people angry, unnecessarily!

aonther thing is the lifestyle of my visitors. i recently have tried to wrap several messages in normal text, without being untruthful. means i also stand for the original text.

i have built in riddles, which people may figure out if they read everything fifty times.

i care a lot if my language, graphical display is slanderous. however, i display PG-13, and this means, i utilize display/language structure which might be offensive/suggestive for underage persons.

this means my content is especially designed for display by the most different population groups. in case no interest is shared, the appreciate persons often leave out of own device.

the trick is not to push these persons by direct language, or negative language at all. they figure out themselves, that other sites may match their needs/interests better. in the best case, they forget everything, and do not come back.

i know some persons frequently say "i do not understand..."
the message i have is read everything fifty times, even more, until you get it. or do something different, what you understand right now.

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## Pachipro

I used to care what others think, but at my age I've found that it really doesn't matter what people think of you. If they dislike you, they are going to dislike you no matter what you do or how you try to change to meet their expectations. If they like you for who you are, they will like you regardless. The important thing is to not change who you really are inside. Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. There are some people I know who I would not become close friends with because of their personality or attitude as it is quite opposite mine, but I do respect them for their convictions, and their honesty and truthfulness to stick to who and what they are.

It reminds me of something I read somewhere: *I am not who I think I am and I am not who you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.*

After I read this and digested it internally, I decided to just be me.  :Smiling:

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## EV13SON

I still do somewhat and it depends on who I'm around, but as I get older I don't dwell on things as much. I think you should ask yourself should you care about something before doing, I'm not a fan of the individuals who are all Ego and no Id, or is it all Ego and no Super Ego? I can never get those sorted out...

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