Jokes of the day

Nope? give up? :)
 
Pistacios are a real crack up
 
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?A: It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye dogs.
 
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
 
Q: What is the difference between a boy and a girl?
A: A boy is eight times more likely to be convicted of murder.
 
A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"
 
Q: How did disco die?
A: In the disco inferno.
 
Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
 
How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
 
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
 
What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"Can you breathe with that little thing?!"
 
What is the astronaut's favorite key?

Space.
 
What's the best way to hurt someone with words?


Hit him with a dictionary.
 
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